I love, love, love when people ask me about sleep in babies/children! Not only do I love to talk about it, because I enjoy being able to "rescue" people from their sleepless fog, but also because I've probably lived through just about every sleep issue imaginable with my one or more of my own kids! I feel like that gives me some "street cred" when it comes to dishing out advice about this topic! Since I had a question directed at me most recently from a new mom needing a "refresher" on how to create good sleep habits for her infant, I'm going to focus on that age group.
First off, let me say, that I think every parent on the planet needs to read what I consider to be the "sleep bible": It's a book by Marc Weisbluth called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" and it has a wealth of information on the subject. On the flip side of that, I do recognize that every baby and every family is different and there is certainly not a one-size-fits-all method to addressing sleep issues in infants and children. Here are my top 3 points that I do feel are non-negotiable. Not only are they non-negotiable in my mind, but they are, I feel, essential, to getting off on the right foot with encouraging good sleep habits from day 1:
1. Never put your baby in bed to sleep with you. Beyond the extremely dangerous nature of this practice, I have other issues. Yes, I know that the family-bed is a well-accepted practice in almost every other country and culture around the world except in mainstream America and I know that people say they don't worry about the risk of suffocation because they make sure there are no loose pillows or heavy bedding around the baby that would put them at risk, but that's a risk that I'm not willing to take. This is one point that I will never back down on. Risk of suffocation aside, I have other issues with having your baby in bed with you, and that's this: Unless you plan on having a family-bed indefinitely, don't start it to begin with. Sure, we've all heard the occasional story of that 5-year old, who finally decided on his own, that it was time to sleep in a big-boy bed, but that's not the norm. The norm, is that any child who's been allowed and even encouraged to sleep with their parents from an early age, will continue to want this arrangement for a very long time. Don't be under the misconception that you'll "just do this while he's little." Unless you are buying into the family-bed as a long-term solution, don't go down that road.
2. Swaddle your infant! I have never (repeat never) met a baby who didn't love to be swaddled. I can't tell you the countless parents who have said to me, "Oh not my baby. We tried swaddling but he just kicked out of it and really seemed to hate being constrained like that." To those parents, I say, nonsense! You're just not giving it a good enough shot. If your baby seems to be one of those babies who tries to kick their way out of being swaddled, try this: The next time you are ready to lie your baby down for a rest, swaddle him tightly. (I love those velcro blankets that I call the swaddling-for-dummies blankets). After you swaddle him, don't immediately lie him down, hold him in your arms for a while and let him settle down some. My son used to immediately fight and punch at the swaddle, but I would just hold him tightly up against my chest, keeping the swaddling blanket snuggled around him. It sometimes took 5 or more minutes for him to stop fighting it, all the while as I held him tightly in my arms and didn't let him out of the swaddle, but then, like magic, I'd feel his whole body relax, and from that point on, he was off to sleepy land! Babies instinctively get more "fired up" the more tired they get, and they often need help settling down. Swaddling not only helps them do this, but it mimics the enclosed feeling of being in utero, and also takes the startle reflex out of the equation. The startle reflex, or the Moro reflex, is the reflex in infants, where their arms and legs will often unexpectedly flail out to the sides, usually at the most inconvenient of times...say, for example, when you are trying to gently lie your sleeping baby down in their basinette so you can get a little rest yourself. Swaddling takes that reflex off the table, so to speak. I recommend swaddling up until about 4 months of age, or until they are able to flip over...once they achieve that developmental milestone, it's time to stop swaddling. It's also never too late to start. If you haven't been swaddling up to this point, and your baby is, say, 6 weeks old, you can absolutely start now! That "settling down" period may take a little longer, but just be patient. They'll love it in time.
3. Aim for a sleep-wake-feed-play-sleep-wake-feed-play pattern. This is drastically different from a feed-sleep-wake-play-feed-sleep-wake-play pattern. Why?? Because with the first pattern, you're not teaching your baby to associate eating right before sleeping, and that will be key on down the road, when you're trying to get them to sleep through those middle-of-the-night feedings. Too often (myself included), we fall into the second pattern, where we nurse our babies to sleep. It's easy, right?? They naturally want to doze off! It may be easy in the short term, but trust me - in the long term, you're setting yourself up for problems!
That's enough for now! Here's a link to an interesting study that actually looked at the average age at which most babies start sleeping through the night. You might be surprised (and relieved) to learn how early this usually happens, when you follow a good plan!
http://www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/news/20101025/most-babies-sleep-through-night-at-3-months
